Mormon's Get It Meme: Sacrament Prayer

This is my first um... "Mormon's get it" meme! The kind of meme that's not a quote from the scriptures or a General Authority. Maybe, I'm doing it wrong, I don't know...but it's how I felt and had to share because it's better than bottling it up, and I figured I'd want my fam to read it someday and understand they aren't the only ones. Here's the lengthy version if anyone suffers from this same thing!

So, I get serious anxiety when I'm about to give a talk, testimony, teach a lesson or give a prayer. That doesn't mean I say, "no." My momma raised me right! I know who I am and if I expect blessings, then I'll say, "yes" to talks and prayers and will share my testimony every week, no matter what, because the Lord is trusting me to do it and He will help me. Usually, this happens at the most inconvenient time, and always when I don't want to do it.

My Hubs is the Ward Executive Secretary so I usually know who's turn it is to give the prayer on Sunday's. He doesn't have to pick the speakers but for sure calls or texts people for opening and closing prayers. 

What's great is that I always know it's not me. Until it is! My Hubs knows me too well though, if I know I'm going to say the prayer or a talk too far in advance I'll stress over it way too long, and ruin things like; date night or family time, it's like legit stress! So, I can't be given very much notice. True story!
Anyways...He goes in alphabetical order of last name and so I knew my turn was coming, but I pushed it out of my mind cause he never asked and I didn't want to bring it up. Then somehow I missed the bullet the week after and thought I was in the clear, he's going into the A's & B's now. Then out of nowhere, this past Sunday it WAS my turn. 👊  Like a punch in the gut! He literally gave me like 1hr notice. SNAP! I can't even be mad, he knows me so well remember. However, I do have 2 kids you know and I need to get them ready by myself and I procrastinated getting ready myself (11am church, I have no excuse!) and now I have to be on-time for the opening prayer, because I can't physically survive sacrament meeting to give a closing prayer, are you kidding me? So now, I'm like.....dying inside and my heart rate is now fluctuating between 105 - 121 bpm and doesn't go down until it's over. I know because I have a Apple Watch that tracks this for me. And I'm taking deep breaths because I have to keep it at a "normal" level unless I'm working out, IVF Dr's orders. "Normal" for me is totally not normal! 

(Wow, just writing about this experience is making my heart rate spike to 94 bpm, LOL)

So, I threw the kids in the car, literally. My 7yr old didn't have his shirt, belt, tie, socks or shoes on when I made them get in the car. I figured he's the only one who knows how to dress himself semi quickly and let's be honest it's not his first time doing that. Poor kid... I'm giving him some major future probs. Sorry Finn. You're mom still loves your guts and always will! Anyways, I buckled my 3yr old into his car seat a full 15 min before leaving (does anyone else do this? So much easier getting ready when they are all in the car, RIGHT?!) and they stayed in there. No, of course the car wasn't running and it's cool outside in our garage so they were perfectly safe with doors open. I'm stressed not stupid!

Also, I don't teach primary, I don't have another calling, my only job that day was to say the opening prayer. PEOPLE! I have been an Relief Society President and a Young Women's President, this isn't that hard or demanding for crying out loud. I'm just a psycho stress ball when it clearly should not be stressful at all. Totes jelly of the Hubs who could probs give a Ted Talk or Conference Talk with no notice or even 6 months notice and be fine. I do believe those callings were given to help me with a lot of that, the Lord knows and so he gives me opps to stretch and grow into the person He wants me to be. I haven't started crying yet, because the adrenaline is so high that I don't think I could.

Ok to continue... I texted the Hubs to be waiting outside to unbuckle the 3yr old and head on in, so I could look put together for the last min while walking in, although I didn't even do my hair, no time for that when you have to be on-time. I think I grounded my 7yr old 3 times in a matter of 5 min with 3 different things. When I FINALLY got to the church (we live literally 4 min away but felt like an eternity), the Hubs was not outside. *Heart rate spiking some more.* Finally we all sat down, 7yr old was not finished getting ready? WHAT?! How did I miss that? I thought for sure he had plenty of time. Honestly... How hard is it to dress yourself in the car for 15 min? He doesn't have make up or hair, and his clothes were picked out for him already. Then... Tried to sing and finally....I was able to give the prayer.

BTW the whole time I was thinking of what I would say in the prayer, so anything people said to me for that last hour and a half or so I didn't hear because all I could think of was what did the Lord want me to say, although who knows if I was listening anyways. I tried to listen to a #LDSConf talk while applying makeup and getting dressed lightning fast but I don't even remember it at all.

You know, I don't remember what I said, and I probably forgot to thank Heavenly Father for something or someone, but I do remember being so calm and feeling peaceful during the prayer, for sure I'd do it all over again, just for that feeling. Like everything was going to be ok. I also remember my fave couple was speaking and another young man from an awesome fam and the whole program was just perfect and brought me to tears a couple times. Had I said no, had I avoided church, had I pretended to be sick to get out of saying the prayer, I would have missed it or not been in the right spirit and would have missed out on such a fantastic Sacrament meeting.

I'm so grateful the Lord gives us strength and enables us to do those hard things in life that scare us half to death, that give us anxiety or just get us out of our comfort zone. He's knows something we don't know, or don't want to admit we know. Elder David A. Bednar says it best in this video:

"...the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity. I testify and witness that the enabling power of the Savior's Atonement is real. Without that strengthening power of the Atonement, I could not stand before you this morning."
I have no idea how I am even married to anyone, let alone the most awesomest  man on the planet. He gets me! And I love him for it. 😘  The Lord knew I'd need him and I'm grateful for him everyday. He's a pillar, he's my rock too! So, I'll continue to drive myself insane, to say a prayer, give a talk or share my testimony or accept any callings, even though they could make me feel like the craziest most psychotic person on earth, because I love the Lord and I know who I am. And although my body & mind are weak, my spirit can still make it do hard things, because I'm a Daughter of God and I know the Savior loves little ole' me. Elder Bednar is so RIGHT! Without the Atonement, I couldn't stand in front of anyone either. Isn't the Savior the BEST!