Imperfection vs Inaction

"Imperfect action is still a verb, act on your promptings."

I loved yesterday's discussion in Relief Society initiated by the oh so wise, Michelle Armitstead, and it got me really thinking of my imperfection vs inaction when prompted by the Holy Ghost. She shared a story about her mom's prompting and not acting on it. It was really sad for her but a good lesson at the same time, I've had too many of those experiences myself and was reminded again that no matter how imperfect my action may seem to me, I'm still acting and that's what the Lord wants. The lesson was titled: "The Whisperings of the Spirit" from the life of Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley.

So many times I've paused and thought about how un-cute or non-Pinterest worthy some of the things I do for my family, my home, my calling, my friends and even for the sisters I visit teach and think, "maybe I shouldn't even do them." I think they aren't "worthy" of anything at all and probably more of an insult than anything else to let peeps lay their eyes on some of the stuff I've done or given them, (honestly, have you seen my handwriting, and everything else I'm not good at?!)

Then I'm reminded of the phrase from Elder Bednar "things as they really are" and I have to stop myself and ask some questions about the thoughts that come into my head after the spirit has prompted me to do something.
  1. Is it good?
  2. Is it positive?
  3. Is it uplifting?
  4. Is it leading me to action?
Then I think those thoughts about not doing anything at all, because of my shortcomings must not be from God, and that thought is trying to get me to forget or abandon my promptings all together by keeping me from doing anything at all. Can I just tell you that my natural woman is strong willed, the adversary knows that woman really well and targets her vulnerable and weak areas to make them even more insecure. I have to remember that my spiritual woman with the Lord's help can overcome my natural woman. So, I'm grateful when I can actually recognize the difference between each of those thoughts, because it is hard to discern sometimes.

The Lord can make 5 loaves and 2 small fishes more than enough to feed 5,000. {John 6:5–6 & Mark 6:41–44}. Could He do the same with our offerings? YES, He has and He does.

Seriously though, why does my offering still seem so pale in comparison to others? Wait, but thanks to Bro. Hank Smith, I also know ..."comparison is the thief of joy!"
"What is the central characteristic of those having only five loaves and two fishes? What makes it possible, under the Master’s touch, for them to serve, lift, and bless so that they touch for good the lives of hundreds, even thousands? After a lifetime of dealing in the affairs of men and women, I believe it is the ability to overcome personal ego and pride—both are enemies to the full enjoyment of the Spirit of God and walking humbly before him." - Five Loaves and Two Fishes by President James E. Faust
As an OCD designer, marketer & photographer, I love things to be a certain way, perfect and cute so I can share it with the world and so others can be inspired by it's ..."cuteness.". That's not inherently bad for some things, after all I do seek after things that are "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy." However it can certainly be and is distracting and immobilizing at times if you're not careful.

Today's (this month's) insecurity is about the Blue & Gold Banquet combined with 2 Arrow of Light awards to be given on Wednesday this week (sure I should be working on that, but it's immobilizing remember, plus I'm learning here!). I received an email "example" of how someone else did theirs and was blown away by the perfect program, perfectly Pinterest worthy darling decor and amazing DIY armor for each boy. Seriously, I'll need to post pics of it because if you have time, and you don't let Satan convince you of your weaknesses and time limitations, you'll be able to do it too! (pics coming soon)

WHAT?!! I wish I would have seen this earlier to plan accordingly, but as it stands I saw it yesterday. Not to mention the other ideas I saw for awarding the Arrow of Light (I have never even carved my name into wood, not to mention the sewing of patches onto a quilt and so on). 😔  Before then, I was thinking ours would be great, now I'm only saying it's going to be great to convince myself that everything is going to be ok. LOL to keep from crying. Then I didn't even order something I needed to order for a plaque for my AOL recipients I was supposed to get because what I had done in the past was no longer "good enough" in my mind and now I needed to think of something else to do for them and now I have to come up with a whole new idea because I didn't act when I should have (immobilizing remember)!

This happens to me all the time!! Their's was so amazing that I'm thinking I should just give up now and just not even try, not show up at all, can I call out? Is that allowed? But really, believe me I do love seeing all of the great ideas out there, they are truly inspiring and love that everyone is so talented and shares it with others and especially makes the boys they serve feel loved, and I know they aren't posting them or sharing them with me to immobilize me but to get me to act and do something fun no matter what it is, in my own way. I am grateful to have such a great Cub Scout Committee and I even have an amazing Assistant Cub Master to help, but the adversary is so good at making me feel inadequate and unprepared for something that will bless the boy's lives and make them feel loved. I just know the boys will love it, they always do, the Lord always makes my meager offerings enough every month and then the following month comes again and I have anxiety and insecurities all over again, and then have to be reminded all over again, that it's not about being perfect. As a Cub Master showing the boys a fun time together, and letting them know they are each loved is what it's all about!!!

So, after an internal struggle I made a list to accomplish before Wednesday, I can't give up and leave everyone hanging, I won't be immobilized any longer. I have to do my best, I have to bring my 5 loaves and 2 small fishes. Even if I have a sick needy 3yr old, not enough cash to buy everything to make it awesome, clean clothes strewn all over my bedroom which needs folding, no time, and limited abilities with drawing, dirty floors to vacuum and sweep, not enough costumes for 50 parents to wear, limited sewing skills, and no huge swords and shields for every cub scout or amazingly cut out plaques for my AOL recipients. I can either be immobilized by my imperfections or I can grow from my imperfect actions. I love this quote...
Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. "Lord, I Believe” - By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
I'm a prideful woman, but am learning that as I come unto Him, the Lord will make my imperfect actions at trying to heed the promptings of the Spirit more than I could ever imagine. I have to remind myself that He is NOT nor will He ever be concerned with my ability to take a cute pic or video of my actions so I can add it to Pinterest or my Instagram Stories, but that He will make my meager imperfect unpostable (new word!), unsharable and even non-mentionable offerings more than enough for His own purposes.
"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." {Matthew 6:1-5}
I truly do desire to be an instrument in His hands. I know I need to continue to work at letting go of my own Pinterest Pride (that's a thing!) and ACT on the promptings of the still small voice to truly be able to bless the lives He's entrusted me with, and let Him take care of the rest. Then I'll be happy, then I'll have peace!

Now off to work on my 5 loaves and 2 small fishes. Probably, only even like 3 loaves and 1 small fish, but that's better than no fishes and no bread at all. ;) That boy must have felt so happy after the Lord took His offering and didn't criticize but made it more. Love that story! Ok bye!